(Adapted from a post to our private Instagram group from October, 2022. Session families, join to read them all…occasionally, I share an older favorite here.)
You may have figured out by now that I love to talk, so it’s sometimes hard for me to take this piece of my own best parenting advice:
When explaining something to a child, use fewer words.
(This isn’t necessarily a Montessori parenting tip, moreso just a way of interacting with kids that I have found to really work.)
Children’s auditory processing is still developing rapidly through the preschool years, all the way until early adolescence. What this means for our interactions with children is that if we speak using the speed and density we might during a conversation with other adults, a lot of what we’re saying may be lost to the child.
Some thoughts and suggestions about applying this strategy to improve communication and connection:
- Especially when there’s a conflict, it can be tempting to over-reason: We can’t take things from other kids because it’s not our turn, it makes them sad, it’s not fair. Try keeping it simple instead: She’s using it now; you can have a turn next. There will be space for the longer explanations eventually.
- Try to become more comfortable with silence. We have been taught so thoroughly that our own language is critical to children’s language development (it is!) that it can be easy to go to the other extreme. We are talking to and around our kids all day long (see below), so balancing that with deliberate quiet at meaningful moments gives them time to process what we’re saying.
- Related, make a point of waiting for your child to answer. Try waiting a little longer when you’re tempted to prompt him.
- Children do benefit from the more detailed, complex, and expressive language we use at other times, like in more casual conversations with them or in our interactions with other adults. So yes, keep talking, a lot, and often! But when you really need the message to come through, that’s the moment to pare it back.
Saying less, especially when we’re sharing something important, helps children focus on the essentials so they can really hear our message instead of just the sounds of our voices.