(repost from November, 2023…timely with “fall back” coming in a couple of weeks, but this concept fits into any season.)
The time change threw us all for a loop last week (I *think* I have finally adjusted): cue lots of conversations about why again can’t we just get rid of it? (really, why?), and the children also had some tough and tired moments in the classroom. All normal, I’m ready for it!
One little boy in particular was teary, which is unusual for him, and I mention this because he was in class with his grandpa, and the care and love that his grandpa showed him that morning was truly such a beautiful thing to witness.
It was a perfect example of “holding space,” which is a concept my mentor introduced me to years ago, and it’s really meaningful to be a part of. It’s such a gentle way to reframe the way we interact with children who are struggling in a particular moment.
On this day, this little boy was simply sad, but holding space is also so important during any period of heightened emotion, like in a tantrum (though that’s not my favorite word). The advice we often hear is to “just ignore it.” I think the idea might be that we’re not supposed to give in, reprimand, or try to convince the child that everything is OK, but what can sometimes end up happening instead is that the child is ignored along with the behavior, which leaves him isolated and is its own kind of negative reinforcement. It conveys that the behavior and the emotions behind it are something to be ashamed of, when in fact we can actually better help children learn to regulate their emotions through neutral, supportive responses.
Holding space is: being physically present, being available to listen, offering security, and just showing that we’re there for our kids even when we can’t make things better.
In this case, this grandpa held his grandson, walked him around the room, spoke a few quiet words with moments of silence interspersed, offered him sips of water, and more that I’m sure I missed. What finally turned things around were these red maracas and a enjoying a bowl of berry yogurt with the class.